Some might consider Adam and Eve the first “arranged” marriage, although, theoretically, neither had any other viable options. The point is, historically arranged marriages go back to our earliest civilizations. Makes you wonder when “love” entered the marriage equation so that people could choose for themselves who they would make love with and who they would live with for the rest of their lives.
Today most of us cannot even imagine our spouse being chosen by us, yet it still happens in India, traditional African societies, Muslim countries, royal families, Amish, and other groups. In many cases, the couple does not know each other until the day of the wedding. It is like a one night stand adventure that you can never escape from. Oh! Fortunately, times are changing around the world. Many parents allow a short dating period, and if one or both members of the arranged couple do not want the marriage, it is canceled.
We could argue for days about whether the woman or the man in an arranged marriage gets the worst deal. Basically, both of them are forced to marry and live with a virtual stranger, which cannot be easy for either of them. Of course, women in third world or developing countries are often not considered equal to men, so they will be affected by culture and customs regardless. But let’s not get into human rights issues. We are here to talk about organizing your own marriage.
To do that, we need to see what is good about arranged marriages and take some suggestions for finding a suitable spouse. This is where part of the marriage arrangement process comes into play and actually makes a lot of sense.
In Western society, men and women often need a spark, some kind of emotional connection between the two of them before they even explore a non-platonic relationship. In an arranged marriage, neither physical / sexual attraction nor personality are important factors for parents. Again, alas!
So now we’ll assume you’ve met a potential spouse, dated a couple of months, and think you might be THE ONLY ONE. Now let’s put into play the criteria of arranged marriage. Think of it as Mom and Dad’s “electronic harmony” app. They are simply things that help ensure happiness, productivity, and a healthy family life. Now is the time to leave the hot body and good sex behind. At the very least, look for:
– Matching education levels
– Matching cultures
– Matching religions (or similar codes of ethics and values)
– Paternity potential (will he be a good father? She a good mother?)
– Does he come from a good family with a good reputation? (They can be millionaires, with dad in prison for a major white collar crime)
– How do you treat your parents?
– Do you have good manners? (This sounds minor, but you will be surprised by its importance.)