When a couple is considering marriage counseling, one of the inevitable questions is (or should be) “will this really work?”
Ask any marriage counselor, and the answer will be yes.
Ask anyone who has actually been through marriage therapy, and you may get a very different answer.
The following is factual information retrieved through a survey of different families, marriages, and counselors, which should weigh heavily in anyone’s decision to seek marriage counseling.
the warning
Ask any marriage counselor what the most important ingredient for a successful outcome is, and the unanimous answer will be the motivation of the couple involved. Good counselors, great counselors, even outstanding counselors cannot help someone who has already decided to leave a relationship. However, most people who decide to leave a relationship do so only after concluding that there is no way to get what they want from their current spouse. In which case, a leading counselor can help show that person how she can do just that.
In a study involving 15 states, 526 couples and counselors, the following information was reported:
98.1% rated the services as good or excellent
97.1% got the kind of help they wanted
91.2% were satisfied with the amount of help they received
93% said they were helped to deal with problems more effectively.
94.3% would return to the same therapist in the future
96.9% would recommend their therapist to a friend
97.4% were generally satisfied with the service they received
63.4% reported better physical health
54.8% reported an improvement in functioning at work.
73.7% indicated improvement in children’s behavior
Now, before we assume that marriage counseling is great and works, we need to keep a few things in mind.
1. As counselors increased, the number of divorces held steady at 50%.
We have more marriage counselors than ever. The divorce rate is higher than ever. If marriage counseling were that effective, the divorce rate should drop in proportion to the number of counselors available.
2. Many directors show bias.
Directors are people, and while we expect them to be objective, the reality is that many directors will be biased. They will choose a side and try to focus on one “guilty party” to place all the blame, while favoring the other party. This creates resentment and increases marital problems and conflicts. If the favored parties were the respondents, it is not surprising that there was a high satisfaction rate. Unfortunately, the informants were not asked if they were actually still married.
3. Focus
Many counselors try to get their clients to stop a behavior, without addressing the underlying need for the negative behavior and providing the client with a healthy way to resolve the problem. If the focus is on making a client feel good, then you will probably be happy with her advice, even if the desired result is not achieved. In other words, it represents satisfaction, not if a significant change was achieved.
As in all studies, keep in mind that the numbers can be shaped to reflect what the reporter wants. However, he lends credence to the idea that having a third party intervene and provide professional guidance can accomplish great things.