Grief is something we go through when someone dies, a loved one moves away, or one goes through a traumatic experience. It is an emotion generated by a loss and characterized by sadness and/or anguish. Grief is a very personal and unique experience, the etiology of which is manifested in both life and death experiences.
No two people grieve in the same way, and most people grieve in their own way and at their own time. Some of us suffer after the death of a loved one:
Some will grieve for a small number of days and then just stop;
Some will grieve for what seems like years and never stop;
Some will grieve for a short time, but they will grieve over and over again depending on situations that arise in life, such as:
1. Weddings
2. Scales
3.Family events
4. Traumatic events
5. Emotional events
6. Death
Some women grieve over the changes that life takes them through, ie menopause, they grieve that they are getting older and entering another phase of their lives.
A divorce can be considered a bereavement situation. Each spouse mourns the loss of the marriage, or the loss of her mutual friends, or the loss of her home, or the loss of her belongings that now have to be divided between his and hers. In addition, if there are children involved, the daily vision of the children by one of the spouses is lost, as well as the photographs and everything that family life entails.
Think of the couple who suffers the death of a child. One parent moves toward the others, finding comfort in connections and healing in the open expression of emotional distress. The other parent, on the other hand, moves towards introspection, is reserved when it comes to sharing feelings and finds the resumption of daily life very useful. Despite the commonalities of their loss, each grieves differently because each experiences the loss in a unique way.
While we all have general ideas about how to grieve, many times it may not feel like it, and if it doesn’t, it doesn’t mean the person isn’t grieving. They’re just not doing it the way we’re used to or understand. How many times do we see a person laughing and having fun ten days after the death of a loved one, and we think, “what kind of person is that? Imagine, her loved one died and she’s already having fun!” Or, we see a woman who starts dating right after her spouse has died, and we think, “what’s wrong with that girl?” Her husband just died, and she’s already seeing guys!” Or on the contrary, after a divorce, we try to arrange a date for the man, and he says “no”, that he is not ready, since he is still mourning his marriage. I recently met with a former soldier who fought in Iraq, and he was still grieving the “loss” of his ex-wife who slept with everyone. He hasn’t dated in two years and was still in love with your ex-partner.
While we all look at grief from many perspectives, at some point we all have to move on. If you’re having trouble “moving on,” talk to a friend or professional counselor.