It seems that we are taking sides in everything.
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Immigration
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gun control
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The economy
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our schools
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Work and family problems.
Even Nike commercial.
We have stopped talking to each other. And we must find a way to reverse this trend, somehow.
Because whatever side we’re on, it’s a side. We fall in love with our position and make statements that affirm our views. Social media algorithms ensure that we see posts that support our bias. And our friends confirm our reason, because we have stopped hanging out with those who don’t. The focus is on winning the debate, proving our point, and showing how right we are.
Gradually, those who are afraid of conflict become reluctant to bring up controversial issues. It’s easier to keep quiet. Unfortunately, this fear of bringing up difficult topics creates space for only the strongest voices, many of whom choose platforms that keep them anonymous. And if we don’t engage, our voices won’t be heard.
Let’s change course. Shift momentum away from competition and toward connection and problem solving; towards learning and seeking to understand what fears and hopes underlie the opinions of those who think and believe differently from us, and may even oppose us.
always choose love
A new friend and colleague who lives in the Chicago area, James Warda, posted a story on July 4 about this issue of taking sides, called Happy Dependence Day. James believes that the choice to take a stand and defend a single point of view instead of supporting each other by connecting with curiosity on difficult issues is a cause of crisis in our country.
James suggests that we choose love over fear. When we do, we learn something important. We learn that we are connected, in more ways than we know. And we start looking for ways to solve these seemingly intractable problems and add meaning to our lives. Problems are only unsolvable if we stop talking.
Another valued colleague, Tony Richard, puts it this way: “Always choose love.” Sign all emails with that thought and, more importantly, walk the walk.
From my point of view, there are more ways to show love than we imagine. An example: the next time you are about to defend a cause, imagine that you are at the side of your partner in conflict. Looking through the eyes, feelings, hopes and fears of the person who thinks, behaves or believes differently. Be curious. Marvelous. Reflect. just for a whose moment. And ask what it would be like to see things from another point of view.
The remedy is simple, although I recognize that it requires practice.